The ONS: A Masterclass in Uselessness

The Office for National Statistics (ONS) has once again proven itself to be about as reliable as a chocolate teapot. In their latest blunder, they’ve admitted to overstating the value of UK housing wealth by a jaw-dropping 35%. That’s right—their initial figure of £6.4 trillion has been sheepishly corrected to £4.2 trillion. A £2.2 trillion miscalculation isn’t just a rounding error; it’s a neon sign flashing “We Have No Clue What We’re Doing.”

 

This isn’t a one-off slip-up either. The ONS has been on a roll lately, quietly slashing their “average house price” figure by 7% in an unannounced revision that left everyone from homeowners to policymakers blinking in confusion. No fanfare, no explanation—just a stealth edit and a hope that no one would notice. Well, we noticed, and it’s time to call this shambles what it is: an embarrassment.

 

How does an organisation tasked with providing the nation’s economic bedrock manage to botch numbers this badly? The housing market isn’t some obscure niche—it’s the backbone of personal wealth for millions and a key driver of economic policy. Overstating its value by more than a third doesn’t just undermine trust; it throws every decision based on those figures into chaos. Mortgage lenders, tax collectors, and government planners have all been steering by a compass that’s apparently been pointing to Narnia.

 

And let’s not forget the timing. In an era of economic uncertainty—cost-of-living crises, interest rate hikes, and a property market teetering on the edge—the ONS’s job is to provide clarity, not to lob grenades of confusion into the mix. Instead, they’ve delivered a masterclass in how to erode confidence in public institutions. Who’s double-checking these numbers? What’s the quality control process—pin the tail on the trillion? The lack of transparency around that 7% house price revision only fuels the suspicion that they’re making it up as they go along.

 

The ONS’s defenders might argue that mistakes happen, that economic data is complex. Fine. But when your errors are measured in trillions and your corrections slip out like guilty whispers, you don’t get a free pass. This isn’t a minor typo—it’s a systemic failure that calls into question their entire operation. If they can’t get something as fundamental as housing wealth right, what else are they screwing up? GDP? Inflation? The number of pens in their office?

 

The UK deserves better than this. The ONS isn’t some plucky volunteer outfit—it’s a taxpayer-funded body with a mandate to inform, not mislead. Right now, it’s failing spectacularly at that mission. Heads should roll, processes should be gutted, and someone needs to explain how £2.2 trillion vanished into thin air without anyone noticing until it was too late. Until then, the ONS remains a case study in incompetence—a number-crunching clown show that’s anything but national, statistical, or remotely useful.

 

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